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4/12/2010
Tied to the Ground
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and there's no
reason why I should have one. I think it may be the curse of simply being a
woman, at least my dad would say so. I find that waking up in the morning is
not a happy welcome. I love my sleep, but it’s not loosing sleep that I hate; it's
the first thoughts that come to my head.
From the moment my brain begins to think, it takes me to places I don't want to
go: like what I have to do, where I have to be, what needs to be accomplished
not just this day but this month, this year, my whole life!! My mum would say I
take life too seriously :)
It's not that I don't find joy in my purpose; it's that I’m
still a little girl who is looking at a big world with big expectations and
find that I'm scared. I know that God is with me, but at times my insecurities
get the better of me. So my morning is filled with all I feel I have to be,
even want to be but with the sneaking
suspicion that I don't have what it takes.
Why I still have the ache on my chest, beats me. It seems
like my heart is still 'Tied to the Ground'…At the same time I feel guilty for
not having more faith in the things I believe in. But then maybe this is what
it means to be human; Fragile. Infant like tendencies. The spirit is willing,
but this flesh is truly weak.
Feelings and circumstances are very deceiving. Because of
past hurts and future worries, it seems like some mornings are filled with
anxiety. I do pray, but at times it seems my prayer can only be…"I believe
but help my unbelief.”
You must be thinking "Gosh, Charmaine-- so over
dramatic!” I know! I must be! And I guess I do over think…but I know I’m not
the only one.
Many of you have shared similar stories, and to be honest,
there is no special formula I have to ease the constant worry. I think there is
something to not forget which may help bring peace: Always remember what He has
done for us in the past, so that we can look onward to the future with Hope.
Mind of mine, rest. Heart, be calm.
The moon at night casts many different
shadows, but alas the dawn has come!
